If you’re of a certain vintage, and we are here at BooksfromScotland, it was a BIG DEAL who got the number one single slot for Christmas. And we all have our favourites. Marc Burrows has written an entertaining history about the pop charts at Christmas, and here he gives his thoughts on his five favourite number ones!

The Story of the Christmas No. 1: Mistletoe & Vinyl
By Marc Burrows
Published by McNidder & Grace

1) Slade – Merry Xmas Everybody (1973) 

There are some Christmas songs that are non-negotiables. This is one of them. It’s built completely into the structure of our annual celebrations, to the point that Doctor Who, on more than one occasion, uses our familiarity with its opening bars as a quick short hand to say ‘this scene is set at Christmas by the way’. It’s almost impossible to be raised in Britain and not know Slade’s ‘Merry Xmas Everybody’. 50 years on, it’s written into cultural DNA. There’s two other reasons for picking it though, aside from sheer ubiquity. Firstly, this was the first true Christmas no. 1. It’s the one that started them all. Before Slade no-one had any real interest in what was number one at Christmas, after 1973 that changed. This was year zero for the tradition. Secondly, and I think this often gets overlooked, ‘Merry Xmas Everybody’ is an incredible pop single. Most Christmas songs, including Slade’s 1973 rivals Wizzard, instinctively go maximalist, throwing Phil Spector’s kitchen sink at the recording studio and drenching the clangs it makes with reverb and jingle bells. Slade don’t do any of that. This is a really lean rock song, with chords that slash rather than jangle, and a grounding shuffle beat. Jim Lea’s bass line, which dances in and out of the slashes, gives it some musicality, but otherwise this is rock n’ roll cut to the bone and then topped with one of the best set of pop lyrics ever written. Altogether now, ‘Does yer granny always tell ya, that the old songs are the best?’

2) Rage Against The Machine – Killing In The Name (2009) 

 It’s hard to think of a less Christmassy piece of music than the LA rap-metal agitators’ breakthrough song, but that’s okay. No-one ever said Christmas No. 1 had to be Christmassy, did they? Again, there’s two reasons for this being here. Firstly it’s a rock masterpiece. Literally one of the best rock singles ever recorded; an anthem for saying ‘no’, for fighting back against the narratives imposed upon us. Zak De La Roche’s lyrics, about a freed slave’s exhilaration when he finally refused his enslaver, resonate with anyone taking a stand against pretty much everything, up to and including, it has to be said, having to tidy your bedroom. And that brings us to the second reason. ‘Killing In The Name’ became Christmas no. 1 exactly for its spirit of riot and rebellion. 2009 was peak X-Factor, when Simon Cowell thought he owned the December charts. The campaign to get RATM to number one ahead of that year’s X-Factor champ, poor old Joe McElderry, was a nation saying, as one, “NO! This weird tradition is ours, and it’s too important to let a TV show dictate it to us”. Slade’s ‘Merry Xmas Everybody’ was the first time the Christmas No. 1 mattered to people … Rage Against The Machine was probably one of the last. 

3) Mr Blobby – Mr Blobby (1993) 

Look, it’s a horrible song. I know that. It’s musically irredeemable, it’s irritating, vacuous and almost painful to listen to. But hear me out, because that doesn’t matter. What matters is how gloriously, brilliantly weird its very existence is. No other country on Earth would have let this single get to number one, let alone in the biggest chart week of the year. In no other country, anywhere in the universe, probably, would a spoof kids TV monster invented to prank celebrities on Saturday tea-time telly become a symbol of oddly loveable anarchy. The whole Blobby story is completely unique, entirely British and monumentally bonkers. I’d be happy to never actually hear it again as long as I live, but good grief … what a time to be alive. 

4) Band Aid – Do They Know It’s Christmas (1984) 

 I’m going to do something fairly unfashionable here. I’m going to go to bat for Band Aid. People will rightly point to Bob Geldof and Midge Ure’s song as a fundraising achievement, and as a cultural moment that redefined charitable giving on a national level. And fair play, that is absolutely its legacy. At the time Geldof said he didn’t care if people liked the song, as long as they bought it and saved a life. I can’t fault that. But I also think the focus on the context does it a disservice. ‘Do They Know It’s Christmas’ is a brilliant song. And yes, I’m aware that’s not a very fashionable view these days, and I’m also well aware that its lyrics are naive. You don’t need me to point out that there actually *will* be snow in Africa, somewhere, most Christmases. That it’s not a place where ‘nothing ever grows’, and that as there’s a 65% Christian population in Ethiopia, they probably do, indeed, know it’s Christmas. Despite all that, I think there’s a genuine heart and real charm to it. The way it was thrown together, dragged out of chaos with its rough edges intact still makes it sound interesting, far more so than any of its sequels. The lyrics are plaintive and heartfelt. Especially it’s most controversial line, Bono’s ‘Tonight thank god it’s them instead of you’. People point to that lyric as selfish or insensitive, but to me it’s urgent and genuine. There but by the grace of god go we. It hammers the point home, starkly, and Bono’s urgent delivery is what makes it. And, well, there’s no more powerful a phrase in pop, surely, than ‘feed the world’?  

5) WHAM! – Last Christmas (2023/2024) 

George Michael was always a tiny bit bitter about Band Aid. He was proud to be involved, obviously, and was fully behind the cause (even donating the royalties from ‘Last Christmas’ itself to famine relief), but he also resented it. Because ‘Last Christmas’ was meant to be his crowning moment – a fourth number one in 1984, following peerless pop masterpieces ‘Wake Me Up Before You Go Go’, ‘Careless Whisper’ and ‘Freedom’. Capping a perfect year. Plus George loved Christmas. He lived for it, buying his friends extravagant presents, even going carol singing around the neighbourhood. Christmas No.1 really meant something to him, and he hoped Band Aid would come and go in a single week, allowing his song to swoop in and take the crown at the last minute. Alas, it wasn’t to be. ‘Do They Know It’s Christmas’ proved unstoppable – literally the best selling British single of all time at that point. Which is a shame, because George really had composed a pop masterpiece, sad and lovely, soulful and a little bit raw. Fortunately, the evolving nature of pop media has been kind. Once downloads, and later streaming started to dominate the top 40 it opened the field for a myriad of Christmas classics to return to the chart every year. In 2023 George finally got his wish, alas too late for him to ever know. ‘Last Christmas’ went to number one in the week of December 25th, a feat it repeated the following year for its 40th anniversary. A belated, but extremely well-deserved triumph. There’s every chance it’ll be there again in 2025. Who knows, maybe ‘Last Christmas’ is now the ultimate Christmas No. 1? Forever occupying the holiest chart of the year. And would that really be such a bad thing? 

The Story of the Christmas No. 1: Mistletoe & Vinyl by Marc Burrows is published by McNidder & Grace, priced £14.99.